I'm not painfully heartbroken. I'm not suffering a major blow to the emotional compartment. I'm just...slightly hurt and really depressed.
I knew it was coming.
I knew what I had gotten into with the relationship.
For some people, dating their best friend is perfect and wonderful and they end up happily married with children and happiness.
For others, the idea only lasts four months.
I can only say now that I like the ideas of dating guys, but not going steady with one. Go on several dates with several different guys, you know? We're young, we're free, and we're susceptible to overwhelming emotions.
Of course, with every relationship I've been in, I've been the one to end it. It's different when you're on the other end. It's wholly different, and really humbling.
My problem right now is being around him at school with our friends. I conclude that it's easiest to just not look at him, but then I feel like I'm being hypocritical to my own standards of dis-awkwardness. Then I have to look at him, smile at him, and then watch him look away from me.
I've realized that I'm handling this quite well with my art. Ever since I participated in the Chalk the Block festival in Riverwoods, Provo, I've felt a need to draw with chalk, draw chalk pictures, draw pictures, do something artistic. It makes me feel so much better. I don't know why.
I don't have many people to tell my problems to. The friends who are in the group itself won't keep anything I say to them to themselves. They're bound to tell him what I had said, or how I feel. I don't really trust them anymore.
And Kaeli, my only girlfriend, doesn't even show that she cares. She's been talking to Tyler more than to me. So now I feel so alone. So outrageously alone.
But that's fine. I've always been alone. I'm used to it.
Kudos to Julia, my lovely partner in crime, moral supporter, and color blender. :) It was good to have an extra hand to shave away upon asphalt.
The completed product. Julia colored the 28 for me. :)