Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?

Sep 29, 2011

A New Favorite Song

Honey why are you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?
I gotta whisper ?cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
[- From : -]
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late?

I love this song so much. It is my FAVORITE song. If I was to have a single, favorite song, it would be this one no doubt. Honestly? His voice is nice to listen to, and the tone is so easy for me to sing along to and sound GOOD. Whenever I hear this song, I always think of my stories or any romantic fantasies I might have. I think it's a beautiful song! Without You is another song by Hinder that I absolutely love as well. Sorry folks, but you're reading a girl who loves Rock/Alternative/Metal. Don't go all pop on me.
I might just write about this song in my notebook. I know what theme I'll do now!

Okay, so my English teacher wants us to write in our "robust", awesome notebooks and it usually helps to have a theme, but his themes are lame, so I'll pick a song and write about that song for fourteen days or however long it works out! Yes, Mindy, you are brilliant. :-* Ta ta!

Sep 26, 2011


Yeah, so if you've hopped on to check in, you're in for a surprise. I'm amping up my blog a little more to make it fun for me, and fun for potential readers, possible readers, and those who read because they're being nice to me. I plan to have a lot more fun pages to read and update often, so keep your eyes out for those. I'm not like those kind of people who dare to pretty up their pages with advertisements and useful tips that people would invest in. No...this is merely my stepping stone to telling the world that opinion I know not of yet.

The colors are to bring out more style, more cheeriness, and more hope. Maybe people won't think this is a depressing blog if that's the case? ;)

I was recorded doing an interview for my classmate today in Journalism. My nose is ugly, but the rest of me is pretty! :D I especially decided to make sure I would look pretty today. From intution or from random guessing, I know not. Anyway, we didn't have much time to think up questions to ask the interviewee, so it turned into me improvising a buttload of questions and trying to get to one point. My point for lovely McKaylee Eggott? What is your goal/talent in life? And there you had it: Marketing, standing up and talking to people. I admire her for it.

For a fifteen minute interview, and for improv, I thought I did really well. So, who wants a talk show host in the near future? Hah. Just kidding.

Sep 22, 2011

Why is it so Complicated?

Look at a regular relationship between a boy and a girl. Now look at nowaday's teenagers. The self confidence is slowly diminishing. With every potato chip eaten, another gram of weight is gained, and they don't have the self control to stop it. Instead of doing something about it, teenagers decide it would just be easier to hide their beautiful bodies in an extra large jacket or talk down to themselves. Weight isn't the only problem. Maybe they just don't feel social enough or they feel they lack the looks or they aren't smart enough or they aren't necessarily popular. How would one writer be able to change the outlook on this? How would one person help and change the feelings of at least one teenager in this world?

Everyone hears the saying "You're beautiful on the inside," or "You're a babe, don't lie to yourself." But once a girl hears the very words that may ruin her, "You're a whore," she tends to believe it a little too quickly. She accepts it without even questioning it, and she suddenly begins to worry and wish she had brought a change of clothes. Paraphrased  from Claire Colvin: It is said that even if a girl or a boy comes from a home with two loving  parents and straight A's, it is still possible to be called ugly. It doesn't  mean that a teenager from a home of abuse or separated parents or confusion doesn't apply to this. Credit is given to those poor souls; sometimes more in quantity than a soul with a happy life. Most teenagers act upon the sympathy, and make it worse. Others truly feel it, even when they don't have to. A teenger from a hard life doesn't have to be sympathized. They can have a healthier self-esteem than that of a teenager with a good life.

Usually teenagers finally discover themselves through religion, but some teenagers don't have that luxury. The biggest degradation in confidence is through relationships, or trying to get into a relationship with another person.  Usually these signs tend to appear as the relationships go on:

  • Think poorly of themselves and consider themselves unworthy

  • Often select unrealistic goals or shy away from challenges

  • Tend to be pessimistic about the future

  • Operate out of a fear of rejection

  • Are typically unassertive in their interactions with others

  • Are fearful of conflict with others

  • Respond negatively to criticism or other kinds of negative feedback

  • Crave the approval of others.

  • Find it difficult to accept compliments or recognition from others

  • How can you low self esteem effect your marriage

  • (Restoring Relationships)

    Once the victims know what they are experiencing, they usually have a chance to put it in their heads and turn their feelings around, help themselves out. Sometimes they just need repetition. To have at least one friend who is willing to uplift them, hopefully they realize the truth.

    Quit denying it Nahuel. No matter how much you want to disagree with me, I'm right, and you're wrong. I have logic on my side, you have denial. How long will this last, Nahuel? Not long. You'll realize in time that you're just as good as any other guy who might love Kaylynn, or better. There's obviously a reason why she isn't with Brody or Drew or Tanner or Damon. There's obviously a reason why she chose you.

    Sep 15, 2011

    What to Write About?

    I just want to write about something. But I don't know what to write about. I know! I hope that just ranting will spur real inspiration. Here we go!

    Les Miserables is such a great Musical! I love all of their muic. I love Sweeney Todd as well. The Phantom of the Opera has gotten old. (For those who don't know, I used to love that muscial.) Perverted Creeper and obsessive stalker over a naiive, depressed woman. Carlotte seems like the most normal there. The monkey is just freaky. Les Mis is something to know, however. No one thinks about a French Revolution all the time! Sweeney Todd just has a lot of blood in it and new, dark music you don't hear every day. It's actually really cool.

    I'm reading It by Stephen King. I'm three hundred pages in, and already a six year old boy has gotten his arm ripped off by a clown, a gay guy has been beaten up and bitten in the armpit by a clown, a jew has been sliced while in the bathtub by a clown, and a giant bird has chased this poor little boy. Oh. Yes, a photoalbum has been bleeding as well. So. What kind of sick, twisted book have I been reading? I'm only just as good as the author. :P

    My mom won't let me dye my hair black permanently, or at least, doesn't want me to, and she is right. However, I desperately want to put electric blue in my hair, so I might just do a strand behind my ear and have my hair a warm brown. Yes. I like that idea. I won't put feathers in my hair though.

    Odd Thomas: The most fantasic series in my life so far. I heard Watchers by Dean Koontz is even better though, so I'll have to check it out sometime. Anyway, I've been trying to get Joey to read Odd Thomas. He says he'll read it...but when? O.o Kaeli read it!!!! She loved it!!! I'm curious about the graphic novels. I wonder if they are any good? Odd Hours sort of dropped, so is Koontz writing another book or not? If you obtain this information, or have this information, PLEASE tell me. I don't know what comes after Odd Hours....Odd is mysterious!

    I'm considering telling you my (un)million dollar novel idea, if I haven't told you yet....?

    "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

    Sep 14, 2011

    How many people do you know that own a pair of crazily designed knee socks? If you don't, or they don't, or you both don't, you need to get at least one pair. They're so amazing. Actually...scratch that. If you're a girl and don't have any. I actually have no idea if they would look good on guys or black ones? I don't know though...this calls for a debate and a science experiement. We girls should gather around and gather boys as our hamsters and force colorful socks on. Oh...but then...we won't have an independent variable...I hate science.

    Sep 13, 2011

    Love: Opinionated Account of the Robust, Awesome Notebook

    For English I am required to write fourteen journal entries about Love. It can be virtually anything, so long as it's associated with "love" and so being the procrastinator that I am (Sometimes), I did eleven out of fourteen in one night. However, I found my entries so fascinating and beautiful I've decided to write them out here. Let's pretend the dates are true.

    Sept. 4

    Bits and pieces of love don't always come from a hardcore relationship or your mommy's wet kiss. Love can be found in the simplest of gestures made by your brother, who on the outside, doesn't show his love. For example, when his only way to eat a second slice of pizza is to make sure everyone has had a slice, he'll grandly shake me awake from my nap. In a sense, he'll only be doing it for himself, but if you see the bigger picture, you'll understand that he'll still leave a piece for me, even if he had a chance to eat a whole pizza. He loves me, and he'll show it in the oddest of ways, even when he truly says he "hates me".

    Sept. 4

    Love for an object, such as a teddy bea or an action figure comes when you're young, and often times as adults, we are afraid to express this love because it's seen as childish. Religion says not to be attached to wordly things, yet you still are. Most religion, that is. I am in lovew ith my iPod. It is oe wordly item that I could never let go.

    Sept. 4

    Every author uses the standards in "romance". First, they have a super unflawed, hot hero who goes after the beautiful/sexy damsel in distress or Heroine. Second, they fall in love in record time;a time that doesn't seem logical or realistic. Then they have hardcore makeout/sex scenes. The hard part is actually differing from this set of classic standards. I'll never be completely different either.

    Sept. 5

    Love is defined as an emotion that expresses affectio to another person. There are many degrees of love, including those of which Utah's society, as well as many others, don't speak freely about. We are free to love whomever we choose and we shouldn't have to be judged or discriminated against for it. If a man wishes to be in love with another man, so be it. How is it going to affect you? Homosexuality is seen as immoral, but only because we are used to seeing our mommy and daddy kiss. Sure, our bodies weren't designed to reproduce man-man or woman-woman, but thank God for adoption agencies. Most of us laugh at the thought of homosexuality, but we don't stop to think. What if our preferences of man to woman were originally frowned upon? You still find it comfortable and you certainly would't want to be laughed at because of that. Cruel men physically hurt homosexuals because it's "wrong". They hurt them so much, that sometimes a man almost kills his victim. Most of us here agree murder is wrong, even murder of a "gay man". We, as children born of straight parents, are experiencing new changes and we don't react maturely. Even adults don't act maturely. A scholarship for being Lesbian or Gay sounds silly to most of you, but it's more than just a way to get money because of sexual orientation. Your homosexual peers go to school everyday, knowing they'll be faced with teasers and rumors and dislike. They have the hardest time socially, yet they manage to succeed in school, despite those anti-homo comments posted on facebook. The world should lighten up. It's just love. No one should have to be judged because they love someone. We think people who marry mentally disabled men or women are heroes, yet we think it's disgusting to kiss the same gender? We are the monsters here, not them.

    Sept. 5

    There are loves: one deeling with multi-relationships. It's called Polyamory. "Many loves". Mutual consent is the key word to this kind of love. It's not popular, barely heard of here in Utah, and it's frowned upon as homosexuality and Polygamy is. Two couples with mutual consent fall in love with each other and share sexual relations between them. For religious people, this would seem disgusting and wrong. For open-minded people, it may seem new; something to research, witness, experience, and then create an opinion. In the end, it's still love. Just as homosexuality and Polygamy is love. They wouldn't do it if they didn't benefit from it emotionally.

    Sept. 5

    Polygamy is another controversal issue everyone argues, and once again, I'm going to point out that the base structure for their reasons, actions, and thoughts, is because they love each other. The term "Sister wives" wasn't derived from estimation. They all love him. He loves them all. The wives love each other as sisters as well. It's a hard working relationship that involves unity, love, and morals. They wouldn't do what they do if they didn't love each other. Certainly a child wouldn't eat twix candy bars if he didn't love them. Our minds are not open. To not see the normal love within the conflicting change of relationship around it means that you are not thinking. You might never do it, but it doesn't ean you should discriminate and judge against it. They don't do it to you.

    Sept. 6

    A relationship consists of a girl and a boy, in this society's standards, and they see each other at least weekly. What about long distance relationships? One might be here, while the other might be in Connecticut all the way across the country. "Don't waste your time", one might say. What if the personality you fell in love with is hundreds of miles away? Would you give up on them simply because everyone thinks long distance won't work and that it's weird? It may not be as weird as relationships Ive described in previous entries, but it sure is another one out of the norm. At least they love each other, right?

    Sept. 6

    Sometimes I think about stories I've read where the man abuses the woman in the relationship and she still doesn't leave even though it's the right thing to do. I think that the reason she doesn't leave is because she still loves him. There's an aspect about him that is left untouched by evil. She loves him enough to believe he can change when he never does. For someone to keep holding on to that sort of love, it means they have determination and strength, when all else may fail anyway.

    Sept. 7

    I love my best friend, but not in a creepy attracted way. "I love you" has become a very light term and Pepe and I use it al the time. We both know that we mean it when we say it, but sometimes I wonder if it might be too strong for other friendly relationshps, especially with a boy, ex, or girl-friend that might take it too seriously. "I luff you, bif" has become our expression of sisterly love now, and I think it fits well.

    Sept. 7

    Sometimes I wish she were my real aunt. Almond is married to Gary, and together, they make the family's close and personal friends. They are seriously like  my aunt and uncle. Almond is amazing, and in a way, I'm just like her. I love her. I know she loves m e. We share secrets and a love for reading and it makes me happy whenever she comes over to hang out with us. It's a love I can only feel for her, and it's almost indescribable.

    Sept. 10

    It's amazing to see anyone tolerate Maddy, let alone a guy as her "boyfriend." Pepe and I walked to class in awe of Quinten's derangement, yet tolerance for Maddy's inappropriate, sporadic, and sometimes unpredictable actions, thoughts, and responses. If not love, then it must be some kind of like for her, and I am amazed. Completely amazed.

    Sept. 11

    Love for my family grows ten-fold when they get together on Sundays. It's the most relaxed, often funnest days we spend together. I haven't loved my family completely until Gary and Almond came along, and then the love just sky rocketed. But only on Sundays. I can't stand any other days with them.

    Sept. 12

    The relationship between my mother and I is something special and something most of my friends don't have. Especially my friends. My mom and I understand each other and we can predict each other's actions. She's trusting in me, and I in her, and I have never once argued with her. She knows what I wat and supports me 100%. I love her so much, and she loves me.

    Sept. 13

    One love is the emotional tie between humans and pets. Hondo wa my golden retriever, and I might add that love comes with broken hearts. The day we gave that beautiful dog away was the day I fully unleashed my tears It was like losing a chunk of my beating heart and feeling escaping blood pump into my thoracic cavity. It was painful, but I'll never forget his memory and the memories he created.

    My Goal Pyramid

    I'm turning my dreams into goals. Sometimes, though, you wish for something big. Something hard to get. Like a lifetime accomplisment or your dream career. I was overwhelmed when the counselors started talking college and so I took to my own way. An inverted Pyramid, expressing my main goal at the top and most important, and the goals I make to get to that goal.

    Tell The World My Opinion: I want my voice to be heard by anyone out there willing to listen. Not my friends or parents. I want to make a different through what I say and how the world understands me. The only way I can really think to do that is achieving a smaller, but just as important goal.

    Best-Selling Author and Journalist: This has always been my dream since I found out I could write. Journalism is just something that is fun, another way to express my opinion, and a career I wouldn't mind participating in. It's a way to make myself known and a way to make myself heard. I can't get here though, until another goal is accomplished.

    Northwestern University in Chicago: To get a bachelors in Journalism here would be amazing! Maybe even a master's degree. I won't go here until I go somewhere else first.

    Utah State University: I plan to get my master's degree in English (Literature, Creative Writing, etc). That way I'll have experience and know what I'm doing to become a best selling author. To get here, I have to go somewhere before this college.

    Utah Valley University:  Where I can knock out my required courses and AP and Concurrent Enrollment quickly while I stay with the parents and keep my job wherever it may be then. How do I do UVU?

    Graduate High School: It's a major goal for everyone else I know. It's the only way I know to get where I want to go, and the only way to be even a little bit successful in life if my goals aren't attained.

    College Credit Classes: Basically I want to take as much college credit classes as I can while I'm in high school so cost is reduced and I won't be wasting too much time before I get to Utah State.

    Save 10-20% of Income for college: Even five percent of your money goes a long way and adds up. I want to save as much I can, and still get by for everything else I may have to buy, like gas and clothes and car. It would also go towards Credit classes in case I have to pay.

    Job: To get to the saving aspect of my life, I need a income first, and that means a job. I'll start off at Sensuous Sandwich. But before I get a job, what would I do?

    Write: It's the only productive thing I know how to do beore I get a job. I'm not complaining. It's good practice.

    Be Myself: And even before I write, I have to accept myself for who I am. If I don't, that opinon I want to share with the world will be empty, and possibly thought better of. It may never get out. I have a chance to be myself, before all of this, and that's what I'll do until I'm sixteen.

    Except that these aren't the only goals I will/am focusing on. No. I want to marry and get my dream truck, and my liscense this year and see Joey and possibly have a maximum of two kids and I want desperately to Travel with Almond. I won't let these dreams go either. I'll achieve them through hard work and honesty. I'm determined.

    How about you? Do you have goals to accomplish a goal? I suggest you get one if you don't, because it's amazing where baby-steps will get you.

    Sep 12, 2011

    Dishes: Full Circle

    You guessed it. I still abhore them. In fact, we've moved, and I found out the first day of living here, that we have the same dishwasher as the last house, and guess what? It died, the same way the last dishwasher died. ( doesn't clean, I should say.) So what does that mean for me and my miserable brothers?

    The mountains of dishes stacked and spread around the kitchen's surface area engulfs our sensitive feelings. We immediately feel discouraged and brought down by the somber sight of those food-encrusted plates, and those drink-stained spoons that lie in heaps across the stained WHITE countertops. The sink is small, the drain stopper leaks. The rags are left over night, and smell in the morning. The ice box has fingerprints all over its white surface, as does the stove along its buttons, and the handle-less microwave.

    How is one to handle all this labor and depression? You don't. You are like a slave, entrusted to creating a clean atmosphere, only to see it disappear with the next meal cooked. Is it all for nothing?

    The biggest problem, say, is that you have an OCD problem. It means when you start cleaning, you can't stop until the kitchen is sparkling white. That's me. Unfortunately. I have to wash every surface, every dish, every silverware, appliance, and all that's applicable. I must sweep the floors, sometimes sweeping last night's mess when my brother was supposed to sweep it. They do a half-baked job. What more can I expect?

    So why do I bother to write about this? It's a simple answer. In fact, it's too easy. Obviously my dislike for the heinous chore of dishes comes full circle. It hasn't changed. It won't ever. It wasn't even fun when we had a dishwasher before.

    I will forever be sentenced to dishes. Forever.

    Sep 7, 2011

    Why Don't They Understand?

     How many times do you look at them
    And see their childish eyes?
    How many times do you listen
    And hear their complaints run dry?

    Maybe it's for the better
    Maybe it's the only way to go.
    You can't contain that need to help
    That need to tell them all how.

    I understand it all,
    the way the world works.
    You look at your neighbor
    and wonder.
    Do they really understand?

    They're wrapped up in their own little worlds
    They won't see the path ahead.
    They're focused on that rumor
    that joke.
    That F.
    All they can really see is that obstacle in their path.

    I understand it all,
    the way the world works.
    You look at your neighbor
    and wonder.
    How does it really work?

    Several times they'll ask a question
    You'll think it's dumb.
    Don't you understand?
    The answer is seven, that's it.
    You either get it, or you don't.

    How many times have they turned
    and asked you to eat with them
    and you really didn't want to?
    Why do they push you to eat?

    You can take care of yourself.
    You have your own problems to worry about.
    Yet they want to know why
    But you want to be alone.

    I understand it all
    The way the world works.
    I can look at them and say
    Hey look.
    It really does work.

    There's a reason why they don't understand.
    There's a reason why they don't try hard.
    This world is content for them.
    Their minds are closed.
    I am one in a million, waiting for someone else
    to realize that they have a bigger world
    to explore as well.

    Sep 3, 2011

    Sweeney Todd

    "Nothing's going to harm you, darling
    Now while I'm around..."

    Beautiful voice, beautiful line, but it always has that creepy feeling to it. :) Sweeney Todd, great movie.

    Sep 2, 2011

    A New Goal

    I have finished Stars Don't Fall and am working on the revising stage of my book. However, school is going to get very much in the way with all this work and socializing I must do. So I decided today in fourth period English Honors that I will find a different goal for the moment that is more easily achieved. I make goals, because it keeps me on my toes and I won't slack behind. You want to know what my new goal is?

    I babysit for a very nice family, and admittedly, I get some good money from them. I am not complaining. However, after a long few weeks of being computerless, and with all this work and printing I have to do, I want to start saving up for a laptop. I have two more items I want to buy before I begin my saving, and that's The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice, and temporary  hair dye for that moment when my current style fades. Then, it's off to the laptop store.

    300 dollars sounds like a good place to start, right? I'm sure my goal will be achieved quickly once I get a job as well. Once I get my laptop, I'm going to march in and open a bank account. There begins my future. College. Many colleges. I plan to go to at least three colleges in certain stages.

    UVU for those stupid required courses that I don't get done Senior year, and then Utah State for my English Degree, and then Northwestern in Chicago for Journalism. Money in this economy is going to be tight, but I want to save up. I want to get scholarships, because this is my dream. College life is my most futuristic path ahead of me right now, the thing I'm focused on most. Not kids or family, but college. That will be the ultimate goal, and it might all be improved when I get a laptop to do my work and writing on. That way I won't have to worry about redoing everything on the home computer, or having to transfer work onto dad's laptop when the computer breaks... I can't believe we live  in a world where computers are so vital for our education and work. It's just mind blowing how much time people spend online, and I was one of those people until my time became restricted.

    I don't want to spend a lot of time with my laptop when I get it. I only want to check things regularly and/or do work that my grade depends on, and WRITE. I have three revised chapters I want to replace! I want to do them now, before school gets REALLY hectic. And I want a laptop I can put on my desk downstairs, where I can get comfortable, not be bugged, and jam out to music. THIS IS NOT A TACTIC FOR INAPPROPRIATE THINGS. I will never do that. I have no desire to do that. I just want a laptop.

    So for now, that's my goal. To revise my entire first novel is a longer goal that will take time and effort, but it will still be there. I'm not giving up on it. I won't give up on any of my stories, really. I won't try to. I want to become a better person this way. It seems, with all my iffy decisions that mormons around me judge, that this is truly the only way EVERYONE in the world would agree on. Goals. Everyone has goals, and this goal isn't bad, so why should someone oppose it? It's one thing I still have in common with society in Utah.

    Have I ever mentioned that I've had seven kids notice my yellow shirt says "Sinful" on the back, and they tell me outright? Yes well, guess what? They're all mormon. -.- Story of my life.