Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?

Mar 31, 2011

Looking Back and Rethinking

I went to a writer's conference at school today, during last period which was geography. Yes, I missed a test, but I'll do it soon. It's not like I can't take it tomorrow during cavetime. :P Anyway, Jessica Day George came, author of Dragon Slippers and a few other books. Basically she told us her adventure of becoming an author and what it took for her to do it. She also made it clear to us that in order to write a good book, you need to write about what you love. You can't just do something depressing if you aren't a depressing person. Neither can you write something long and complicated when you're an easy person. All you really need to do is look at what you like to do, what you like to read, what you like to write about, and incorporate all of it into a story that you, as a reader, would like to read and write about. You can't write anything unless you enjoy writing it. That's my simple solution.

So. What should I do about my supposed "Novel" I've been trying to write for a year? Wvern's Destruction is basically about a world-wide war threatening genocide on several different races. Particularly humans. The problem for me is, usually for a first draft, it shouldn't take a year to write it. Granted, I've been busy and distracted, but if I really love writing, then why can't I work hard at this? I love the fantasy and sci-fi, like Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. I love to think about elves and dwarves. The problem is, I've already played out this story with online friends, so why repeat it? I'm getting tired of it, per se. So I want to think of a different story that I'll really love, and try again.

First, I need to figure out what it is I really do like to do. Jessica Day George liked knitting and dragons and Norwegian Languages. She found a great way to incorporate all of that into her books. Now I just need to figure it out for myself, to make my story unique.

I like romances, but not when I get too much of it at one time, otherwise I get really really sick of it. I like the small romances, something like a kiss and a certain liking for someone. I like it when they're equal and can help each other through something like a real relationship would, and sometimes...I like it when the guy saves the girl and they live happily ever after. I love big dogs. Particularly Golden Retrievers and German Shepherds. I like a sci-fi fantasy setting, or something in the future with a cool girl. I hate it when the girls are wimpy, but I don't want the girl to be too cool, because I need room for a main guy. I also don't like it when it's in a girl's perspective and I'm a girl author. It's just...yeah. [Not] All female authors make their lead character female, and I just want to be different. I've always been fascinated with history, particularly World Wars and World Civilizations. I love Geography too, so I'm sort of like a social studies nerd. I like grapes. I don't know how that could work with a novel, but sure, why not?

I love my cousin and I love being with her, and a long time ago, my cousin and I came up with a little story, mostly inside jokes, between us. She asked me, one day, about how it would be like if we changed up those characters and actually put them into a real, legit story instead of our crazy "realistic" story. So we began brainstorming, and we came up with an idea that we really liked. It was a futuristic setting about a country lost in it's own civil war. I began to write about it, because I thought it was so cool. But after nine chapters I began to slow down and lose interest in it, because the way I was thinking felt stupid to me. So I gave up, and yes, it hurt both of us.

I think you know where this is going. I want to start it again, and add some of my own likings to it to make it exciting and popular. If I'll like it, and if my cousin will like it (Which, for the record, she's not a reading person, so that's a big score) and if my dad likes it, then I'm sure I'm on the right track. That's what I want to do. To be frank, I don't know about Wvern's Destruction. I put a lot into it, but I was just never certain. I mean, I created a huge country for Geography and stuff, and I put meaning and value of that country into my story, and I thought I was doing really good, but I didn't know how to do the point of views, and there were just too many characters, and their names were messed, and it's modern but I tried to make it medieval fantasy, and it just didn't work. I'll probably pick it up again later in life, but for now, I want to start fresh and try again. I'm still not sure if using a plot outline will work, or if I should just wing it, because neither proved to help me in the past, so I'm uncertain of how to start it and see what will happen. I think I need another sleepover with my cousin. ;)

Anyway, that's my supposed goal now. Along with writing short stories, but I don't think I'll get my 36 Plot Line resolution completed this year. It is a lot of short stories, and a lot of time. So I think I'll just keep reading whatever I can and begin this new Idea.

Mar 29, 2011

Never Mind

I'm just going to stop trying. I don't know anymore. I don't know when we're moving, because it's not Saturday anymore, and I don't know where. Just....I'll drop it.

Mar 28, 2011


It's what I've been waiting for! We are officially moving, and we have official approval for a house in Orem. I'm so psyched! I finally know where I'm going, and I don't have to worry anymore. We're moving out of this stinky house! I'm so so so excited! They just haven't told me which one it is was down to two. Hmm....I've seen one of them, but not the other...oh well. This is good news, I've already basically packed my whole room and have it all sitting in a little corner under my tall loft bed. :O Check it out!

Yes sir, that's my junk all condensed into boxes. You can't see them all, but there are 10 boxes, a big bowl chair, a curtain pole, three posters, a tennis racket, and yet to come: The clothes. So all in all, my room isn't that cluttered. I actually threw a lot of stuff away. It felt good to throw that kind of junk away, but at the same time, sad, because I'm unsure of when I'd need that stuff again. not that I touch it very often. I had to throw away my music box from when I was a little girl. It was hurtful.

Mar 27, 2011

Festival of Colors

I didn't want another multi-subject post, so I'm taking the liberty to rant about my events of yesterday, March 26th, in a new, fresh entry. It's titled Festival of Colors. Considering I don't have very many readers, and most live in or around Utah, I'm sure you know what it is. They do these major events at certain times of the year, and this Festival in particular is for the welcoming of spring at the Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork, Utah. Basically, people know it because you get to throw colored powder at each other and everyone around you. It's popular. I mean, everyone at school was talking about it.

Kaylynn and I decided we wanted to go. Now this is the cool part, because we invited Brett, but he couldn't come, (Sorry, that wasn't cool) so instead Kaylynn invited our friend Nahuel. It was a spur of the moment sort of thing, and amazingly, he could come! So Kaylynn's mom gave us a ride down to the Festival of Colors, and we were all dressed up in white (Except Nahuel, who didn't necessarily know we were going to throw talcum at him) for the festival. We got food, graciousness from Kaylynn's mother, and then headed into the party. It is situated next to a Llama farm, which was pretty weird, but I got to see Llamas! Anyway, even as we went in, we were being hit with powder. Nahuel kept saying how he didn't like where this was going, and that he was already regretting coming, especially after a guy threw orange powder straight into his face. (Nahuel made it very clear that the stuff tasted very gross, but that it was scented.) I had fun being hit by plumes of colored dust, I was dressed up and didn't care how I looked at the moment. In fact, by the time we got to a gazebo where we could buy our powder, I was pretty colorful even then. Kaylynn and I bought our colors, glad to have something to throw, and it was pretty cool, because we found our good friend Drew there, already splashed with yellows and pinks.

We lost him, but we continued on through the giant mob of people, throwing it at everyone and anyone. They had a hippie band there, playing music and chanting some words I couldn't make out, and we were allowed to go up to the temple. We could even go in, but we had to take our shoes off and blow off any excess dust. Kaylynn, Nahuel, and I didn't bother. Nahuel made a snarky comment and I emptied a bag of pink dust all over his head...took him a while to forgive me for that. He was pretty pink though. Kaylynn talked about how they did this thing every two hours, and that we were here for the three o' clock one. I had no idea what she was talking about until it happened. It was so weird and cool. They did a countdown up at the mic, and everyone counted with them. On one, everyone shouted Hare Krishna and drew all their powder into the air. I saw a cloud of blackness. I couldn't breathe for five seconds too! All I could see what Kaylynn and Nahuel in front of me, probably kissing, and people everywhere jumping and shouting. Finally the wind blew it away, and I could see the grey sky ahead. It was crazy, I'll tell you that much.

Going home was an adventure. I'd like to point out that I knew where I was, but my parents just couldn't find me. Spanish Fork is weird. We were colorful, and got approval from other equally colorful people as we left and made our way towards a highway. It was there that my dad got all irritated and stuff, but they found us finally, and we drove home in good cheer, for the most part. I think Nahuel didn't have AS fun a time as me and Kaylynn, but he'll look back and laugh.

As for me, I thought it was a fun experience, something new. It felt sort of sacrilegious, but cool to feel that religion also. I definitely won't forget it. Might go a second time next year...might.


Looking at this old house, and having been in it for six years, made me think. Yes, I'm moving. We won't be moving into a house this big, because we don't have enough money right now, but I figured I'm just going to have to live with it. I have a secured place to go for a little while until school ends, and that's with my best friend, so I feel a lot better. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, and that's just what I'll do. I gave up a boyfriend, a dog, a lot of my junk I wanted to keep, and a bad attitude about moving. It's a fact of life. In fact, I'm more frightened by the idea of moving out than just relocating right now, so it'll be alright. The most comforting piece of information, however, is what Kaylynn told me. She goes to her dad's every other Saturday (Unless there's a tournament) and he lives in Orem. Hey, I'm moving to Orem. Fancy that! During the summer, we can hang out too, and I'm thinking about dragging Kaylynn with me to the new house so she can help me unpack and set up my room, just how I want it. All in all, she won't be totally gone, and I admit, I was being dramatic a little bit. Sometimes though, I just have to let those emotions out anyway. The important thing is that now I'm okay with this, and that I'm going to go with my head held high.

You know what I've always wanted to do with my bedroom downstairs? Paint it Lime Green, Orange, and Yellow. Geometric figures added. Have a shower curtain hanging from my loft bed. Have mutli-colored lights. I've always wanted a room like that, just so I could go there and feel like myself. I don't want to be dark and emo, even if that's how I feel sometimes. It's the bright colors that inspires my writings, and it's my writings that are the most important. I want brightly colored pillows for my black chair, and I want a comforter and bed set for my full bed that is just as brightly colored. I don't know about the walls, but I'm sure I can do that now, or at least lick the top of the cone to get that taste. I'll save up more money, go all out with my bedroom. If only I had a house we've bought, and that we'll be in for a while. Oh well.

The biggest concern, despite the new bedroom, is the lack of bathrooms. I wish I could have my own complete bathroom,all to myself, without the boys there. Most houses on a 2400 sq. ft. plan have 2-3 baths. One for the master. One for the rest of the whole darn house. How could that be fair anyway? If we do only get one bathroom for us kids, I'm spending as little time in there as I can. Shower, teeth, that's it. I'll do hair and makeup in my room, like I usually do here. It's frustrating, especially when you have to improvise a vanity and desk all in one. I don't really have a desk. It's more like a weird computer desk with no leg room and a long, broken body mirror behind it. I hate it. I want a new desk. It's freaking heavy too! I hope we get to throw it away. Far far away. Away from civilization. *Sigh* I wish I had money.

Mar 25, 2011

Her Unpending Happiness Is All That Matters Now

She's my best friend, you know? So just as a mother would to her crying daughter, I felt that emotion she felt. It was amazing to see her accomplishments, to watch her grades go from low to high in just one day. Granted, it was the very last day of the term, but she still did it. She's really good at negotiating, I realized. Term Two she made her citizenship grades straight O's which means "outstanding" by just explaining her dire need to have those to teachers. So when her late work due date passed, and she still had late work to turn in, she managed to get that late work in on the very last day, just because both teachers were fine with it. I don't know about you, but I doubt a teacher would do that for me. They always just say "It was last Wednesday, too bad." Thank goodness I learn not to procrastinate until this day, but she does. She got all of her work in, got good grades, and was granted permission to go to a friend's house where she would get to see a friend she hadn't seen in over seven months. It amazes me how addictive her rare, spastic happiness is. I immediately felt it when she experienced it. It was probably the most happiness I've seen in her for a while. Life's been tough on her, of course, and on me through her, but she's managed to keep up without going to drastic measures. I'm so proud of her for that. However, her happiness just fogged up my inner feelings. I'm so glad everything worked out for her, I truly am. I'm envious right now, to be honest. Why can't anything work out the way I want it?  But another side to this question I need to consider and go over is the "Have to" side and acceptance. I know I have to, and you know what? It's not like my parents are going to drag me kicking and screaming. I'm doing all I can to see the positives. But you know, It's okay to be sad about this and let out my emotions and NOT be called a baby or wimp because I don't want to leave. Yes, I know fully well that I'll meet new friends, have Facebook for my old friends, phone, whatever. But guess what? It's just not the same. These friends I'm leaving behind are the ones that got me through the worst stage of school a girl can go through: Junior High. I can't just ditched them so easily. I don't know WHAT I'm going to do without my best best best best best friend in the whole wide world. (Brett, I know you'll feel left out, so I'm mentioning you as my best best best guyfriend too.) I swear, they're probably the only two who read my blog other than the 'rents.

My parents are chill, they always let me go out when I want to, because to be honest, I don't ask for much. I know a lot of teenage girls out there who keep being bratty to their parents and asking, asking, asking for more. Me? I'm good with what I have, but occasionally I do want something, and most of the time, I try to save up for it myself. It's just that now, I've still lost that hundred...hasn't turned up yet...and I sort of need money to go to La Caille after spring break...oh and to get some powder at the Festival of Colors tomorrow. So...until my next babysitting job, I'm sort of at a pause. Lately, I haven't needed to rely on my parent's money, because I was always comforted by the fact that I had money in case something happened or came up. I mean, It's good to know you have a hundred you can pick at once in a while. I'm not like girls who take their money and blow it off all in one day. I try not to that is. It's cool to spend money, but everything is so expensive now, I just try not to. I need a real job, that's the problem.

Oh. And I need my permit. (Addressing Mom and Dad, who I KNOW read this blog.) They're always going off about how they didn't get their permits until sixteen or seventeen and whatever, but this isn't the 80's anymore. It's gotten safer, and at fifteen, teens are getting more responsible, (I admit, not all) and with proper instruction, they can do it. Besides, if you want your license by sixteen so you can actually WORK, you need 40 hours to put in, and when better than to do it during your fifteenth year when you're unemployed still? I personally like the idea of driving my dad around on his business ventures and stuff, that will get me some good hours during the summer. Btw, I'm really responsible. My grades are in good shape. And I think after all the helping I've done, I deserve to be able to get my permit and begin driving. It's also about peers too. I have a lot of friends who are getting their permits between the span of my birthday, (December) to April, and I'm feeling really left out. If I have to, I'll converge all of this into a persuasive essay and show my parents just how persuasive and educated I can be. I really want to start driving now. I want to know how it feels to really be behind the wheel. I want to feel like an adult now. I can't do that when they hold me back.

So in conclusion to this varied-subject post, Kaylynn is all that matters now, since I'm going to be moving away. I'd rather focus on her and be numb to the situation than sob into my pillow about my leave. Also, I'd like to note that I'm becoming more of an individual and want my license. It's just something to note, because since my parents read this blog, they might as well get messages I can't convey in person. It's hard to talk in person, when you're so much better at writing it out. That's the problem with me, I think I'll forever be a writer now. No one can take that away from me anymore. So, gutentag, Mindy's out.

Mar 23, 2011

Giving Him Up

I am watchful and trustworthy
I am strong and energetic
I am reckless and curious
I am scared but loving
My beauty is unforgettable
My memories are never enough
But when you cry
Just know that I'll be fine.
Who Am I?
                                               -Mindy Christen

I watched my dog drive away today. I was strong while we forced him into the small car with the nice woman. I was strong while they gazed upon his beautiful golden fur. I was strong while they talked of spoiling him. I was even strong when I watched his gentleness towards the toddler who petted him. The problem was, as I watched them close the door on my frightened dog, watched him slowly get used to the inside of the car, watched the car turn on and pull away from the curb, I broke. I doubt I'll see him for a while if they decide to keep him. Sure, I'll be given chances to go see how he's doing...but will that be good for me? To see him happy in the care of even better owners? I don't think I'll be strong enough to see him eat from the other food, to see him run around a fenced in yard. What if, by that time, he doesn't remember me? He doesn't remember his brother...So I cry for him: for my broken attachment to him, for Tyler, who refuses to be sad that he is gone, for those days when I won't be able to look out the window and listen to his barks. Sure, he was annoying, and maybe we didn't play with him as much as he should, but it was always comforting to know that he was out there, watching. It took the neighbors two years to finally get used to him. They were so scared of him, but soon, each one became braver and braver, each taking turns to pet his big blocky head. He was pure bred, come from a long line of healthy, perfect golden retrievers. He was perfect for a show dog. He was beautiful. His fur was so soft and golden. 

It wasn't just the physical aspects though. I swear, Hondo had a personality no dog I've ever seen had. He always bowed his head and laid on the ground when my parents and I came out to greet him. If it was one of the boys, he would just jump around and try to greet their faces. He was scared of water. Anytime someone would sprinkle water on him, or the hose flipped on, immediately he would be cowering away in the corner of the yard, limited by his long chain. His baths were difficult, because he'd get cold with the water and wouldn't sit still sometimes, but other times, like later in his young life, he would just sit still and wait for it to be over, because he knew we would just keep him there until we were satisfied. Every time the neighbors would come out to play, Hondo would bark at them and want desperately to get in on the fun, just to maybe chase them around. But by the time we let him off, his mind would switch gears and he'd play with another dog or go exploring in the neighbor's flowers. Whenever we introduced him to something new, however, he would shake with terror, because he was scared. You'd think a big dog like him wouldn't be scared, but he is so sensitive and shaky that he would just tremble in fear until it was over. He was always scared of going into the house, even though he knew it was warm inside. I had to hold him for five minutes inside the laundry hall, and during those five minutes, he just shook and shivered. I kept my voice low and soothing, until I let him back into the garage. He never likes the car, because we didn't ever take him anywhere in a car. So we usually had to lift him into the car before he'd calm down. When I blow dried his wet fur though, he was shaking and trembling so hard, that David had to keep petting him and telling him it would be okay, even though I had it on Low-Warm. I thought he would have liked the warmth, but he's too much of a Utah dog for that. He can survive the cold. 

So now, he's off with the nice nice lady, probably having a blast with the wind in his face. All I can do now, is accept that there is an empty pen outside, a loose chain with no dog attached to it, and an unoccupied water bowl sitting in the sun. 

I'm sad he's gone.

Mar 22, 2011

Just My Luck

Have I ever told you the story about my bad luck? Probably not. However, it's just that. My bad luck is always followed after a choice, and that choice is normally out of my hands. Take school for example: Mondays are tricky days, because you don't know if it will be a regular early out, a minimal day (Two hours early), or no school whatsoever. It's out of my hands to decide it, but that Monday is a regular early out. Curses. I wanted to get out super early! You get it?

Well, it's the same thing. I am moving, and the choice where I'm moving is out of my hands. All I can do is hope for a chance to go to AF High, but yesterday my parents narrowed it down to six choices. They saw two yesterday, and are going to see four houses today. None of them are in the AF High borders. Just my luck, huh? The problem is, all my luck has been like this lately. Like Kaylynn and Brett not being able to come to my party on Friday night, and losing my 100 dollar bill, (I was possibly robbed, but I guess that IS in my hands,) and getting so many new assignments for school. It's a whirlwind of bad luck lately, and it's probably because I didn't wear enough green on St. Patrick's day. ;) Not really, I'm just....a bad luck carrier. Don't come near me, for it will rub off on you.

Mar 19, 2011


Yes, you guessed it. I'm obsessed with this awesome invention called "". Just like youtube, I worship it. You won't believe it, it comes in handy for any TV shows I'd want to watch. The Office is complete, that is, up to season 7, which is on DVD rather than Watch Instantly, and now I've started on Psych. It's so great! A guy who is hyper observant pretends he's Psychic and solves all these crimes. I'm in love with the main character, Shawn. He's pretty good looking, if you ask me, and hilarious. (Don't Worry, Jared Leto will never be beat in my mind.) Anyway, the next series I'll probably watch will be 30 Rock, because I was introduced to it by dear dear Brett, and my own cousin said she heard good things about it, so might as well, right? Psych, however, has 74 episodes or something like that, and they're all an hour long, so it's taking me quite a while to get through this. 

So how have I been? I sure haven't posted for a while, only because I've been lazy and uninspired, but tonight, I'm just going to take the 23 minutes I have left to tell you about how weird Mr. Earling is. I have him for World Civilizations B4, and European History A1. Now, Two different classes, two different citizenship grades, and two different genres. We're learning about World War II in European History now, and we're just barely getting our WWI "Trench Life" comic books back. We got to make our own comic books about how life in the Trenches during the war was like, so I made mine very gory and weird. Don't get me wrong, I got full points, but it's just what Mr. Earling said that makes me laugh so hard. He told the class, with me sitting right there, that mine was rated R and that he couldn't show it to the class. This same day, he tells us about a new assignment about WWII Propaganda posters that we get to create. He personally said "I wonder what Mindy's will look like," and laughed about it with the class.

He shouldn't have. >:-] 

Now I've made my poster a) Pro-Nazi and b) a scary, dehumanizing picture of the British with blood everywhere within the scene. How's about that, Mr. Earling? I can't wait to see his face, because I have a feeling this will also be rated R. Lass Sie Nicht In. Das Ist Die Letzte Kampf. It's alright though, because I'll show everyone before I turn it in, that way people won't have to be deprived from the awesomeness! It'll be great though, because I'm just showing him up. He wanted to be sexist. He said that no girl had ever been so gory, well, here I am  Mr. Earling. I'm proving how un-girly I am. What now? (Btw, the German meant, "Don't let them in, This is our last stand.")

That's the most exciting news I have to share, there's other complicated personal matters going on, but they'll just bore people. The usual, "I can't help them" sort of thing going out to all my friends who are having troubles is just another one of those problems. Something you won't care about, general reader. I do, however, worry that my Boyfriend doesn't care for the fact that I'm writing an awesome novel. He's never shown interest in it, always changes the subject when I bring it up, always just acknowledges it a little bit, and I don't think he's even envious of it at all. (I mean, why would he, right?) He just doesn't care. (It bugs me,) Because what girl doesn't want their boyfriend to never read or see their creations? NONE! Blah. Oh well. I'll get over it, it just Irks me. I also found out how to make his calls much shorter when I don't feel like talking to him. The key is for you to just run your mouth. Talk about something you KNOW he doesn't care about, like writing websites, and he'll cut it short by saying "Yeah, I have to go," and all you need to say is "Okay, that's fine."

Mar 13, 2011

Sunday Power!!!

We got the entire front living room packed up, including fragile knick knacks, piano music, books, and pictures. All wall decorations came down today, and after my parents and their friends come back with food for me, we'll start on the living room and then pack up anything that needs to be packed downstairs. I think this is a good accomplishment, because for a while, it was pretty slow. I'm not sure exactly when we're moving, but we have to move. That's all I know, and I STILL don't know where we're moving, but it looks like it's going to be!!!! Moving isn't fun, but when you move, it tends to mean more fattening fast food meals. :P They're going to Carl's Jr. Haha...I hope my chicken sandwich isn't cold. If it is, I'll destroy them. End of story.

Mar 11, 2011

Les Creativeness!

For I have written ANOTHER Short story! That i Think was just very good description wise...or at least...good for ME. YAY!!! Go to Passion and Roses and look for "The Little Restaurant". Despite the title, it's a thrilling story about a girl caught up with a gang!!!

Mar 10, 2011

Ode to Sunshine

Oh darling Sunshine, I welcome your liquid golden rays into my broken yard. For your light repairs all that is broken. I welcome you into my skin, to concoct a slight pink that will soon turn to freckles. Your brilliance on my face creates a desire I've always had since the first dark snowfall of last December. It has been a long three months, months full of depression and hardship, but as you do for the flowers and bees, you have repaired my emotions for today, and maybe for the week. Your stellar light fogs the darkness around me and brings out the happiness that has been lurking in my heart all winter. Sunshine, I have missed you, although you had been there a few times, you were too far away to touch my skin, until now. The early springtime activities makes for a radiant-coated. Already I hear the motorcyclists, and once you have slowly awoken the grass from its long hibernation, the mowers will come and trim them down. It is only a matter of time before I trim my own hair and let you tickle my neck. Your presence also means the closing of the school year, another great feat when battling the ugly homework demons. Ode to Sunshine, for you have created a new me. 

I believe the sun can do so much for you after a hard winter's season. This past winter has been one of the worst I have experienced, but I decided that I'm done sulking over it. I also don't want to sulk over the move. In fact: This sunshine has given me new confidence to write down what I wish to write. I will make a list of all the positives about moving away from this house.

  1. I will finally get away from those dreadful forest green walls that surround me every night. 
  2. The little toilets that always have problems will be forever GONE!
  3. I will have a new dishwasher, instead of having to wash dishes by hand now. Hallelujah!!!
  4. The yard hopefully won't be nearly as big as our current one, and it might be fenced in!
  5. Although I really like the kitchen, maybe if a bigger kitchen were in store, I'd be even happier.
  6. (No offense,) I will be free from the annoying Young Womens and Mormon neighborhood!!!
  7. My closet might be better, or I might be able to paint walls? 
  8. If we do move to American Fork, I'll still be able to go to AFHS
  9. I won't have to walk the same way over and over anymore! 
  10. We might have even MORE windows! 
  11. Hopefully we get a new refrigerator!
  12. A new Microwave!
  13. (Only a hope) I want a bathroom with my Bedroom....
  14. The Garage door will work in the new house!
  15. We'll be getting rid of a lot of stuff now, like junk and things we don't need anymore!
  16. An actual office for the computer!
  17. Just a new place to dwell in and get used to it. 
  18. Probably a slightly bigger room?
  19. A chance to by different decorations for our walls?
  20. More holes to make in the new house!!! (Nail wise)
  21. Maybe a less pricier heating cost! Or AC, whichever!
  22. A Fairly nice neighborhood that will leave us alone...religion wise.
  23. New Neighbors?
 That's all folks, but it's enough for me. As long as I dwell on these positive aspects, rather than the negative aspects, I'll be fine with the move. Of course, if I don't go to AFHS, it will be hard, but I'll still use this list to get through the hard times...all except number eight. ^^


Mar 6, 2011

More Packing...

I guess I have finally accepted that we're  moving. Yesterday was Saturday. And yesterday I helped my brothers organize and clean their room. I picked up every scrap of garbage and threw away toys that really didn't matter anymore. It was really frustrating, because only Eric would help me while the other two boys (It wasn't Tyler's room, so he didn't count, except that he was being a VERY big distraction) idled and played with toys we put in different  boxes. I told them to help me because it's pertinent that we clean and pack, but no. The boys were all grouchy and didn't want to help. So I ended up doing pretty much all of their room. I went to every corner and crevice, picked up all the big pieces of garbage, and threw away a lot of their old, worn out, or stupid toys. Who has a shovel thing? I mean c'mon! Tyler wanted to keep it...whatever it did. Blah! Oh well, by the time I got it done, they had one Imaginext box and a half box of random toys and crap. Half a box! When two years ago, they had three full boxes! I'm so proud of them for letting go of so many things! I had to keep telling them over and over that if they really missed the toy, we'd buy a new one, but for now, we don't want to transport it all the way there. One time I even said, "Do you really want to transport a fifty cent toy between houses in the course of a month, only to find you won't play with it at all when we get there too?" The only toys they play with really are the legos, (Somewhat, that's Tyler mostly) the action figures, and any blocky thing they can use to make cities and buildings with. It's really cute, in a way, but at the same time, it's annoying because they transfer the entire downstairs family room into a mini-Greek world. I step on a lot of things down there. Blah. Anyway, so we ended up with one and a half boxes, plus personal items for each boy, and three-very-full bags of broken toys and garbage. I was really proud of myself, because technically, for the beginning of the month, the boys' room is checked off!

After the boys' room, me and my mom decided to go through the storage room, and so we cleaned out boxes that didn't have necessary things to keep, we went through the packed boxes, counted down unused boxes, and finally got around to sorting through packed clothing and Ryan's piles upon piles of clothing. All in all, it was a productive day, but not as productive as I wanted it to be. I wish I could do a lot more, but I'm lost without mom's input on things she wants to keep. So I can't go on to the office or the laundry room, because I need parental units. I mean, I wish mom would keep doing it, but she doesn't have very much energy anymore...not nearly as me. It frustrates me, because I can tell she envies my energy, and I want her to have some too, but at the same time, I don't want her complaining about a headache, or her neck hurting, or her feet hurting, or her fatigue flaring up. It's just so so so frustrating! I want her to keep going, like at train, but I can't ask for that, because that's too much to ask. There's just so much to do, so little weekends, and she still has to work full time. I hate it when she tells me that. "Mindy, I'm tired, and with me having a full time job, I do like to vedge with computer time." It just saddens me, because it makes me feel like I'm not doing anything and that I've got it easy. I don't. I'm always babysitting and taking care of the boys [even when she is home] and dealing with their yelling and screaming and fighting and punching and biting and annoyingness. You don't know how sick of them I am. I apologize, but I wish I was an only child. The messes wouldn't be as big in this house, and we wouldn't have to pack nearly as much. Bet you anything we would have a lot more money too, because we're not paying for their all consuming buffet here. Okay, so obviously the move is taking a toll on me. I'm stressed. Only 30 days, with mom working weeks, and mom and dad going out weekends. It's not going to work unless they stop going out for a at LEAST two weekends, and get packing more! I mean it, it's making me edgy the longer we wait. We still don't even have a house, and it's taking them forever to find a house. How long will my inner torment take place? They're torturing me. I mean it. Grah! This is just so frustrating...


Mar 4, 2011

Stupid Mr. Earling...

So today has been a fairly good day despite the moving news: well, all through to lunch, then fourth period and later sucked. So first of all, I came to school with a yellow line on my cheek I didn't catch this morning while applying makeup (Don't ask why...) and so I made my friend Drew draw a sun on my cheek in yellow, covering up the yellow line. Mr. Smith today in math called me "Sunshine". Anyway, Teen Living dragged on pretty long, but it was an interesting topic (Sort of) and I was okay with it. The only thing was that we made these "Dating Licenses" and it's just....I mean, It shouldn't bother me, and I should expect it when living in a mormon community, but it said "Legal on your Sixteenth Birthday". Because all mormons believe in not dating until you are strictly sixteen. I think it's dumb, and I think it shouldn't apply to school activities, because school and religion shouldn't cross with that sort of thing. I don't know, I'm over-reacting...because you know, it's insulting to me, at fifteen, when I have a, forget it.

Second period was PE, and we went to the American Fork Recreation Center for our last day of doing it three days in a row. I already did the dreaded cycling (Phew) and Racquetball, so I had to do was steps, like the step up thingies, yeah that. It was so hot and tiring, and I just didn't have any fun, but I kept up a fun environment for my friends around me, (I hope). I hated it though. It was just as bad as cycling.

Third period was the same. Said hello to Ryan Bart, listened to Mr. Smith's lecture, and understood most of what we learned, although we're back to doing proofs again....shoot me.

Lunch was the same...I guess I don't really like second lunch because I can't see any of my friends except Breanne. No one else. It's lame...and then my friend Spencer had to do lunch work for tossing a napkin towards Breanne.

Here's where my day sucked: I get to Geography, and apparently Mr. Earling isn't very...perky today. Well, he's handing out papers and telling us what to do, so me and my friend Dustin continue our three-day old game of Dots. Ha. We pass the paper like five times back and forth when Earling stomps over and takes our paper, then says for both of us to go out into the hallway. So me and Dustin sit in the hallway and just sit there. Two teachers walked by and we talked to them too. Then Earling came out, "That was not funny." Dustin said, "Can we have our game back?" and then he retorted, "No. I'm taking it away so you can't play it. Go inside and do the paper." I said, "Oh...I thought we could stay out here?" then he snapped, "No."
Dude, that wasn't nearly as bad as the girls at the opposite end of the room who talks and interrupts and passes notes all the time. I got my citizenship grade lowered and our game taken away. That thing took us three days to get only HALF way through!!! Geez! It was epic too....

Oh then I come home and learn that my brothers are going to have ten little boys, including Eric and Tyler and Ryan...and I had to man the Relay Races and Race Tournaments. BLECH. I hate little boy parties. Thankfully they're leaving at six....Soon, blogging world, soon.

Mar 2, 2011


You know how I have to move? Well, the hardest part is telling people that you have to...or it's hard to hold it back. I wanted to hold it back because I don't know where I'm moving to exactly, but I couldn't keep it from blog readers (Brett) and my Best friend, so I decided to tell my Boyfriend too. Normally people will be on the edge of their seats for a soppy romantic story, but to be honest, telling him just depressed me further. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all when I told him. He just looked forward like he always does, and when I was close to tears while telling him about the unsure destination, all he did was hug me tightly, but he ALWAYS hugs me, so how is this different from the other hugs? It isn't. I just want to know if he's all torn up about my possible leaving, or if he's found a sudden excuse to get away from me. It scares me, and depresses me more. Before we parted, I mean, he kissed me, but I didn't kiss back. I was too sad to. I still am. I don't feel like being with him right now. That's why I walked away without another glance at him and ate food. Damn. I'm fat. Grah!!! I apologize for those readers who don't like swearing. Oh well for them. It's a part of life. I feel like he doesn't love me. I mean, yes, he waits for me after my fourth period class, and he seems to be happy to see me walk out of that door, and he always hugs me or holds my hand or kisses me, but he never says "I love you." He takes the words a little TOO seriously I think. I say it to everybody all the time...but around him, I feel like I can't say it, even though I do feel that way for him. I hold it back or when it slips, I make it sound like "Luv ya" really really quickly, so he doesn't...I don't know what he would do. I'm really frustrated now.

So. I got new shoes on Sunday, and a  new jacket. I love them both. I have high tops now, and they have plaid on them. For me, Plaid is a very big deal, because I like it so much, and that made me happy, but yesterday, I discovered that they hurt my ankles, because they rub against my skin and make more blisters. It irritated me. So today I wore them with knee-length socks. But of course, I couldn't find the other checkered one, so I had to use my blue star one, and of course I was miss-matching, so I just give up and go to school. Besides, Kaylynn does it all the time! (BLAH!! I'm NOT a Kaylynn-wannabe.) Anyway, so I realize I have PE today, and I get to wear my boyfriend's white shirt he got me, and my capris-short thingies. Don't ask. Anyway, I have miss-matched socks, so now I'm going around everywhere, and people are telling me my socks are awesome, but I regretted wearing them because we cycled in PE and I was so hot, everywhere. I hate sweat. It's gross and sticky and gets everywhere. It probably "cools" off my body, but I find it pointless! Couldn't the Lord of Aardvarks in the Sky just design our bodies differently? No. He wants to humiliate me in front of everyone. Fine then. I bet Aardvarks don't care about sweat. Because they are animals. Blargh. (Animals have feelings.  Take that.)

Oh yeah, so I walked home right? And I got to my drive way. Well, I was so upset that I dropped my backpack and hugged Hondo tightly. (My Dog, in case you have forgotten.) I kept telling him that I was going to miss him through on-coming tears, and I swear he looked sad too, like he KNEW he was leaving...I remember when we had to get rid of Rusty, my second golden retriever. We got rid of him a year after we got the two dogs...kept Hondo, but Rusty went off to a Llama farm. (Random, I know.) And yeah, Hondo's grief lasted for a few weeks. I know mine will be longer for Hondo. :') *Sniffle* I'd show you a picture of him, but Facebook won't let me copy and save pictures, and my computer was cleaned out of pictures, so I cannot. Alas. It's alright though, getting this out makes me feel a lot better. Thanks to those who actually care to read this.


Mar 1, 2011

My Own Little World

I ran out of fingers. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to disappear. Go somewhere else, where no one will miss me, where no one can tell me what to do. I can be who I want, and no one can stop me except for my frickin awesome bad guy villain! Whom I defeat in the end. Right now, he's taking form as problems in my life, a depressing shadow that looms over me. It's difficult when you don't have the powers in this reality to destroy those annoying things. I want two swords, a dagger, and a bow and quiver. That way I can slice the crap out of my villain and save the day, get the guy, and live happily ever after. If only. My dream guy is amazing, you know, but you'd never find him in real life. My dream appearance is NEVER going to happen. (Yes, I dream of being prettier than I am....I. hate. my. red. hair.) The world I dream about is fiction. And only fiction. Suddenly, just writing to my heart content about it isn't helping. I so desperately wish it were real. For some reason, I feel like I'm going schizophrenic. Save me! Not really...I love this world, no one should save me from something that is way better than the real world. Even computer or music doesn't help me. I want the real thing...even though I never will.

Sometimes I feel like a wimp. Sensitive. Babyish. Because I don't like pain. It's true, I'd rather be healthy than hurt and bleeding, because I don't like the pain I feel. Even the tiniest little cut bothers me, and whenever I complain, people (mostly parents...) say I need to suck it up and that I'm being a wimp...That's why I lie all the time if I get her. "Hey are you--" Thwack! "OH MY GOSH! IM SO SORRY! Are you okay?!" "Yeah yeah, just great..." Not really.... And you know, sometimes I get hurt but it doesn't hurt at all, and I feel like complaining to get sympathy, even though it doesn't hurt. I've never actually faked anything, but sometimes it heals faster than intended or something like that. Oh well. That's how I feel whenever somebody tells me I'm a wuss. Mindy 101: I don't like pain....but sometimes I'll hurt myself anyway.

You're probably wondering why I talked about that. Well, it's because that in my world, there are lots of battles, fantasy battles, (Nerdy, I know) with magic and swords and spears and stuff. (Flying Dragons too...) Anyway, if I were to be inserted into it, I can't be wussy like I am now. I've had such a comfortable life, and it shames me, because that means my descendants will have comfortable lives too, and no one will know how to survive when the world ends!!! .... Shame is a funny word when you think about it. Say it really slowly. Tee hee....