Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?

Jun 13, 2012

New Love

Have my dreams finally come true?
Am I in love with my best friend?
He's my friend for a reason
He's there because he cares.
I've lied through my teeth,
But never to him.
I trust very few
And him with my heart.
We met through courage
And grown ever since,
Only to love each other more.
This love isn't blind,
I've seen it coming for a time,
It's not rushed,
It's not petty.
Rather, it's valiant,
and Good.
I'll love him now and forever,
Even if the worst comes to worse.
It took strength to come to terms,
Bravery in him,
Acceptance and Confidence from me.
It's a story-book love
One a girl often dreams
For me there's no fantasy
The dreams become reality
It must be the same for he
who is so much like me.

The last time I posted about love was when I danced with Brody at a stake dance once upon a time. It was in the middle of winter, a happiness I thought I needed. Now looking back and comparing with how I feel now, I convinced myself to love him, to get caught up in the illusion of being a girlfriend. He asked me with a card trick, something clever and cheesy, and I appreciate things like that, but in the end, what really wins me over is the courage it takes someone to just tell me what they've felt.

I took time to write a specific post about how I've been coping with the limited friendships I have. I tried to see every view point. And at one point, I wrote about a small fantasy I have, to just fall in love with my best guy friend and have him fall in love with me. I don't know if the gods became good to me, or if luck has the upper hand, but the way life has presented itself lately has become so fortunate. Mostly because Tyler and I were able to come out to each other about our feelings for one another.

I've denied myself over and over that I had a little 'crush' on him. I always told myself that he was just my friend and that there couldn't be another way to feel, but my subconscious had other plans.

To make the story short, I once dreamed I had fallen in love with another guy at school, and by the end of my insane dream, Tyler was there, watching with yearning and jealousy. I didn't think that meant anything. At first I thought it was just a jealousy for the loss of time spent together. After last night's phone call, talking to Tyler and figuring things out, I just now realize how completely bizarre and psychic my subconscious is. That's only a minor revelation though.

The only thing I truly care to say today is just so: If I had never leaned across my desk and poked Tyler in the back on that first day of school, things might have been completely different. That, or fate would have found a different way to pull us together. I can't help but wonder that if his sister had kept him at Pleasant Grove High we would meet only later in our lives, like in college, or at a football game, or even in the emergency room. 

I don't know if this is truly how Kaeli and Tyler Keetch feel about each other. All I know is that this doesn't feel like a simple teenage relationship. I've always loved him, and more so now that I know he likes me. I don't plan on getting sexual though. I can't even fathom that idea right now. I him. You know?