Plowing Through the Muck

The longest word in the dictionary is irrelevant, useless, and extremely stupid. 


I've complained about it before, but I'm just now realizing how frustrating it's become. Jay Allen, my Human bioethics instructor, took us on a hike up the Mount Timanogos trail. We came to a stop after a while and he looked at us and said, "44 years I've been a climbing this trail. After a few times of climbing it, you begin to get bored. You have to find new ways to entertain yourself while you hike."

The cool thing about my teacher is that he doesn't tell you random things for no reason. Though I'm skeptical most times, there are moments when I make the connection between the commonplace statement and my life.

There are moments when I find myself delving into a state of depression because of the useless efforts I put into an entertaining lifestyle. The way I live my life right now is the trail we hiked. I live the same aspects of it over and over again. My routines never cease. I try too hard to find a side show or a "story" to follow when the trail gets boring. When I find one, I get so caught up in it, that I discover I've lagged behind and can't get back to the front of the group.

For a while I was ahead of the game, hiking far ahead of everyone else. I wasn't distracted. I worked, but I fit in social time as well. What I didn't expect was the abrupt stop on the trail because another hiker decided to leave me by myself. It set me behind, and then I was attacked by more interferences.

Now, hiking alone, I'm left behind, struggling to find the peace in the trail without paranoid thoughts clouding my vision.

I put my current problems into an analogy, because I honestly don't feel like writing out the details of everything that's going on. 1) I would sound like a sobbing teenager, and 2) I don't really want to relive all the emotions I've just recently been feeling about my life.

What I will say is that mine and Tyler's friendship hasn't been the same since June 12th. Ever since we broke up, he's found refuge in Kaeli's arms and I've lost hold of that small connection only he and I shared. They talk to each other more, they hang out with each other more, and they even park next to each other in the parking lot like immature preschoolers. Ever since Kaeli and her ex-boyfriend broke up, Kaeli's been clinging to anyone she can, and that person is Tyler.

It's frustrating when I walk behind them, alone, half-listening to them talk. They'll turn around and wonder why I'm walking behind them and not next to them. First of all, four people in one line takes up half the hallway space, and secondly, they'd just be giggling about inside jokes that I wouldn't know anyway.

What happened to the simplicity of friendship in ninth grade? It was the best of my teenage years because I shared it with the best of personalities one could ask for. Now that Kaylynn is gone, and Brett is half-there, and Kaeli is always just there, things have been lonely and difficult.

I have to keep telling myself that the choices I'm making today are going to affect my future career, so I have to be careful and smart. When my friends sluff class, I stay in school and take the practice ACT. When my friends go to the mall all day and goof around, I'll work and earn money to put into savings for college.

It'll all work out in the end. We all have to make sacrifices in our lives to reach our destinies at one point. I'd rather do it now than later.