Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?

Nov 2, 2012

Fixating on the inevitable

I'm quite frightened of the vigor and quickness people have suddenly obtained in reading my blog. I mean, honestly? I pictured this site as a barren desert with hidden words buried in the sand, no one there to find them, no one there to know. How often do people truly read these words? I figured nobody cared enough about me to know what's going on in my life. To me, it seems like everyone else's lives are more important.

I mean, there are aspects of the blog that would clearly push people away. Other than myself, how many people do you know that are obsessed with elephants? I probably repulse people with my foul language as well, but as you should know, I cannot swear on Facebook for goody family members ruin my fun, so I channel it through here. Sometimes I just want to write a blog post with the F-bomb in every other line. (Completely stupid and unnecessary, I know.)

What really miffs me is the fact that all my friends latch on to the only gossip-driven, juicy stuff I reveal. Of all blog posts to read, why the last one? I'm shocked no one has read my abortion one, or about the dreaded hand washing of dishes. Seriously, people!

It's okay, I forgive you now. To be quite honest, I don't care who knows. I don't care if Trace ever finds out, or if Parker magically realizes I exist, or if Halofom is somehow informed about my spilling secret. If I wanted to keep it to myself so badly, I would never have written the entry.

Don't you notice a pattern, though? Teenagers grip the romantic possibilities that others spill, but they could care less about the more important aspects of life. It's only natural, don't feel bad. Some of us, (yours truly) is just a different breed of teenager.

Think of it this way:

Arabella (work with me here, it's hypothetical) has been showing signs of pathetic-ness in socializing with the male gender because her grades, her interests, and her hobbies aren't as common as others would think. Her friends listen kindly to what small complaints she has about every day life and repetition, but none really take to heart what she says.

Then one day, Arabella finds hope after a guy has been smiling at her more than usual. She doesn't feel like she can tell her friends straight out, because most of them have strong opinions about appearance, social status, and attitude. This guy is a little bit on the opposite end of the spectrum, but she still would want to give it a try.

So she lets out her feelings on a piece of paper that she thinks no one will ever find. She hugs it to her heart, and then she stuffs it in her backpack.

That paper falls out.

Her friend walking behind her picks it up and reads it. Later that day, her friend embarrasses her in front of all the other friends, shocks her that they've all read that piece of paper.

What she realizes, however, is that they only care about the juicy information about her possible attractions. If she were to have left a piece of paper with her cherished fiction writing on it, her friend probably would have read it, said it was pretty good, then moved on with her life.

Interesting, isn't it?

There are only a few things that really wake us up when it comes to friendship. You get so caught up in the routine of each other's actions, personalities, feelings, etc., that you don't pay attention to the little changes. If I were to say "I want to commit suicide", then there would be a huge, booming reaction from everyone around me. Positive and negative. If I were to say I'm feeling sad, then they'd feel concern for you, listen to what you have to say, have nothing to say or help with, and move on.

Not everyone is perfect. No one can say the right things. I'm not saying you have to shape up and change your attitude towards me. Actually, I prefer less attention drawn to myself. I love you all for who you are. If what you were doing really tore me down, I obviously wouldn't be friends with you.

Sometimes, though, you all have your little quirks. That's not a bad thing. It means you're a human.

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