A Weekend Alone

Only recently have I continuously opened the blogger tab, looked at my last entry on Valentine's day, and closed it down again, inspiration not eminent in mind. I've had the house to myself for a whole weekend, and yet it seems I barely spent time at home because I was out and about. My parents left for Hawaii last Tuesday, and ever since then I've been paranoid, responsible, and so busy. I don't really mind it, but when I have to take care of my brothers, I begin to realize how much I really rely on my parents.

With them home, I don't have to worry about robbers coming into the house, because it's their responsibility to beat them up.

I don't have to worry about feeding my brothers dinner, though there may be moments when I have to anyway.

I won't have to worry about driving the boys to school in the mornings and missing quizzes in first period, because they'll drive me to the bus.

I won't have to worry about buying $30 worth of gas because I won't be driving AS often as I had been this entire week.

However, I've found that life could be a little easier if I lived like this all the time. I always have to appreciate the good things in life, even if they'll disappear tomorrow morning.

I got to wake up at 6:30, even 7:00, instead of 5:45.

I got to sleep in my parents' humungo bed and have a blast watching TV all night.

I could watch Dexter as often as I wanted to, since I had a TV upstairs.

I didn't have to be driven grudgingly, or take the UTA bus for $2.25 every trip to work.

I didn't have to walk home from the bus stop in the cold.

I could run to the store willy nilly.

Even though there were so many cool things I could do while in charge, I still want them home, because I miss their authority and comfort. It will conform to the normal patterns again, but sometimes that's not such a bad thing. I like my own bed, I don't mind waking up early, and I'm going to create a calendar of when I have to work now, so no one will freak out when I tell them the day of. I mostly want them home because I'm tired of being so responsible for the boys. I cannot handle four kids on my own, and I never will have four kids.

This experience taught me a lesson, however. I'm certainly not ready to be on my own yet. I can't even comprehend the fact that I have to spend $50 on gas just to get to work for a week. I also realized that despite how much I want to stay in American Fork, I need to accept the fact that we'll have to move, and I'm hoping it will be closer to work. All I'll really be leaving behind is my favorite teachers and my two best friends.

As well as realizations, I decided that since this week alone ended, I can do more things that I've been wanting to do while the parents are home, like pick up more shifts, go jogging when I want to, and hang out with people without having to think about babysitting the  boys.

I wouldn't mind being free of KC's and Krista's annoying "Is everything alright?" every time I put a status on Facebook too. I mean, it gets really annoying when I know that everything is perfectly fine.

I'm also jealous that my parents are somewhere tropical, fun, and warm, while my brothers and I are stuck in a snow globe called Utah. Even the boys had fun over the weekend at my grandparent's house. Like, major fun, while I was stuck working a four hour shift in the smack middle of my Saturday.

I had my cousin though, so it wasn't too bad of a weekend. I really love her, and I was so glad to spend time with her for a while.

You know something really weird? I barely paid attention to school this week. I was so caught up in the future things I needed to do, how I was going to do it, or thinking about watching Dexter, that I began to slack a little. I've eaten so much junk food, and it's getting really bad. I need to control myself better if I am ever going to trust myself to be on my own when I graduate high school. I haven't done any reading, sadly enough. I hate myself for it.

So now that they'll be back tonight, I can finally get my sleeping patterns back to normal, my eating habits under control, and my real responsiblities in order. I'll start by making the boys do a Saturday chore chart when I get home today.

For now, I'm going to try and avoid doing anything else in class right now. I'm getting very sick of writing news articles. I'm beginning to hate this class a lot.