Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?

Mar 2, 2011


You know how I have to move? Well, the hardest part is telling people that you have to...or it's hard to hold it back. I wanted to hold it back because I don't know where I'm moving to exactly, but I couldn't keep it from blog readers (Brett) and my Best friend, so I decided to tell my Boyfriend too. Normally people will be on the edge of their seats for a soppy romantic story, but to be honest, telling him just depressed me further. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all when I told him. He just looked forward like he always does, and when I was close to tears while telling him about the unsure destination, all he did was hug me tightly, but he ALWAYS hugs me, so how is this different from the other hugs? It isn't. I just want to know if he's all torn up about my possible leaving, or if he's found a sudden excuse to get away from me. It scares me, and depresses me more. Before we parted, I mean, he kissed me, but I didn't kiss back. I was too sad to. I still am. I don't feel like being with him right now. That's why I walked away without another glance at him and ate food. Damn. I'm fat. Grah!!! I apologize for those readers who don't like swearing. Oh well for them. It's a part of life. I feel like he doesn't love me. I mean, yes, he waits for me after my fourth period class, and he seems to be happy to see me walk out of that door, and he always hugs me or holds my hand or kisses me, but he never says "I love you." He takes the words a little TOO seriously I think. I say it to everybody all the time...but around him, I feel like I can't say it, even though I do feel that way for him. I hold it back or when it slips, I make it sound like "Luv ya" really really quickly, so he doesn't...I don't know what he would do. I'm really frustrated now.

So. I got new shoes on Sunday, and a  new jacket. I love them both. I have high tops now, and they have plaid on them. For me, Plaid is a very big deal, because I like it so much, and that made me happy, but yesterday, I discovered that they hurt my ankles, because they rub against my skin and make more blisters. It irritated me. So today I wore them with knee-length socks. But of course, I couldn't find the other checkered one, so I had to use my blue star one, and of course I was miss-matching, so I just give up and go to school. Besides, Kaylynn does it all the time! (BLAH!! I'm NOT a Kaylynn-wannabe.) Anyway, so I realize I have PE today, and I get to wear my boyfriend's white shirt he got me, and my capris-short thingies. Don't ask. Anyway, I have miss-matched socks, so now I'm going around everywhere, and people are telling me my socks are awesome, but I regretted wearing them because we cycled in PE and I was so hot, everywhere. I hate sweat. It's gross and sticky and gets everywhere. It probably "cools" off my body, but I find it pointless! Couldn't the Lord of Aardvarks in the Sky just design our bodies differently? No. He wants to humiliate me in front of everyone. Fine then. I bet Aardvarks don't care about sweat. Because they are animals. Blargh. (Animals have feelings.  Take that.)

Oh yeah, so I walked home right? And I got to my drive way. Well, I was so upset that I dropped my backpack and hugged Hondo tightly. (My Dog, in case you have forgotten.) I kept telling him that I was going to miss him through on-coming tears, and I swear he looked sad too, like he KNEW he was leaving...I remember when we had to get rid of Rusty, my second golden retriever. We got rid of him a year after we got the two dogs...kept Hondo, but Rusty went off to a Llama farm. (Random, I know.) And yeah, Hondo's grief lasted for a few weeks. I know mine will be longer for Hondo. :') *Sniffle* I'd show you a picture of him, but Facebook won't let me copy and save pictures, and my computer was cleaned out of pictures, so I cannot. Alas. It's alright though, getting this out makes me feel a lot better. Thanks to those who actually care to read this.



  1. Reading this makes me sad....Not like a "Oh no! Mindy's depressed! There's a problem!" sad, like an "I feel for you." sad. I know of your unsureness with Brody. All I can say is go with what you feel. If you feel that you really shouldn't be in a relationship, then don't be. I'm sure Brody won't be too hurt. If Brody is the guy I think he is, then he will completely understand you. Things aren't always as bad as they seem. Sometimes life may seem pretty fuckin' disastrous, but you just have to breathe and wait for a good time.
    I love you.

  2. Moving is hard! If you need me to come and help you pack let me know k? Dogs are amazing, they always know when something is wrong and they kind of... try to comfort you. They can sense things like that, it's pretty cool. You're lucky you have kept Hondo for so long too, create that bond. Dog is man's best friend.
    + I agree with Brett's comment. It's okay if you feel the relationship isn't right. If it does feel right, then it would definately be worth the fight. You're a debater, I know you can get through this. Could be he's not the one for you, that's okay though because we all learn through experiences like these.
    I have empathy for the moving and the dog, and I have smypathy for the relationship struggles. I'm always here for ya! I love you!!


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