Ice Skating. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot of fun when you're with your best friend and the guy you really like. But...Nothing's ever good when you count 5+ falls on the ice. Oh but this morning I definitely felt it. My knees have huge nasty bruises and my ankles are covered in blisters. My butt is sore from falling on it also and my tongue is burned from super hot chocolate....ow. Unfortunately for me, my spirit and my energy is drained from the long night as well. To make matters worse, I forced myself to stay up until 3:30-4:00 because I didn't want to fall asleep and dream. I don't like dreaming anymore....it's personal, but I just don't like to. I get myself tired enough to the point that I can fall asleep and it will all be black. Of course, I have a headache today, a depressed mood, hurting legs, and a growing irritation for PEOPLE. People, that is, except for Kaylynn, Possibly Brett, and ze Cousine Rachel! It's a sad matter, but it's a solid one. My brothers are especially making me mad.
Swear words aren't enough this time.
I want to say "Shit" and "Damn" and "Bastard" and "Fuck" and "Bitchy" and swear at whomever rules above us, but this time....my irritation and feelings have hit a curve so high, that I don't even want to use graphic words to let my anger out. It's this kind of anger that sort of scares me, but I can't control how I feel. You won't believe how many shoes I've thrown at the walls (Thanks Kaylynn) or how many walls I've punched today....It's a horrible day, and to make it worse, everyone is constantly asking "Mindy....what's wrong?!"
Obviously I'm not feeling good. OBVIOUSLY I'm in a bad mood. WHY pester me and make me more irritated at you when you already know. NO! PEOPLE DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS WRONG! It is absolutely NONE of their business. Oh. But people still want to know, because people are stupid and curious. That's when you lie and say you're very very tired. Usually telling people how late I stayed up resulted in "Shame" or "Oh..." then it would shut them up, but I wish I had learned that before first period. Instead I discovered that handy effect during LUNCH. I have second lunch too, so It wasn't until closer to 1:00 when I learned it was so brilliant. I wasted a ton of my day like that. I let my mind escape though, when I played lasertag during second period. We went to Jack and Jill's bowling lane today and I got to play laser ag with friends...but I sucked because I wasn't totally into it. 8th place.
I think blogging all this out is helping a lot though, you won't believe how much writing helps me in my times of need. It's just that...it's not only having a hard skating experience the night before. No way. It's all the school work and stress that's being dumped on me. It's all this envy I'm feeling towards people. All this doubt I have for my Boyfriend. It's all this social life squishing me under it's toe. I have a German movie that hasn't even STARTED due tomorrow. Fail. This weekend half our group cannot film. Fail. I am assigned to do a "Music Video" for a Geometry class. (I know, I've already sworn at the creation of Geometry and Music Videos now) A possible fail. I have an English book test tomorrow...haven't read any book. Fail. I have a Europe Map test next week. Possible failure. I'm suppose to color both a drawn up comic book and a sign for a plane for European History tomorrow...haven't done it. Fail. PE is back to getting hard workouts again. Suck. The regular Math homework and Unit Summary due next week, (Plus Test). I know I'll fail.
And at the same time, everyone in my little German group decides I get to be the director. That I get to find a setting and get everyone together. I already wrote out the script and translated most of it. I have so much other crap I have to do too. Why does everyone expect so much of me?
Because this world is messed up. That's why.