I ran out of fingers. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to disappear. Go somewhere else, where no one will miss me, where no one can tell me what to do. I can be who I want, and no one can stop me except for my frickin awesome bad guy villain! Whom I defeat in the end. Right now, he's taking form as problems in my life, a depressing shadow that looms over me. It's difficult when you don't have the powers in this reality to destroy those annoying things. I want two swords, a dagger, and a bow and quiver. That way I can slice the crap out of my villain and save the day, get the guy, and live happily ever after. If only. My dream guy is amazing, you know, but you'd never find him in real life. My dream appearance is NEVER going to happen. (Yes, I dream of being prettier than I am....I. hate. my. red. hair.) The world I dream about is fiction. And only fiction. Suddenly, just writing to my heart content about it isn't helping. I so desperately wish it were real. For some reason, I feel like I'm going schizophrenic. Save me! Not really...I love this world, no one should save me from something that is way better than the real world. Even computer or music doesn't help me. I want the real thing...even though I never will.
Sometimes I feel like a wimp. Sensitive. Babyish. Because I don't like pain. It's true, I'd rather be healthy than hurt and bleeding, because I don't like the pain I feel. Even the tiniest little cut bothers me, and whenever I complain, people (mostly parents...) say I need to suck it up and that I'm being a wimp...That's why I lie all the time if I get her. "Hey are you--" Thwack! "OH MY GOSH! IM SO SORRY! Are you okay?!" "Yeah yeah, just great..." Not really.... And you know, sometimes I get hurt but it doesn't hurt at all, and I feel like complaining to get sympathy, even though it doesn't hurt. I've never actually faked anything, but sometimes it heals faster than intended or something like that. Oh well. That's how I feel whenever somebody tells me I'm a wuss. Mindy 101: I don't like pain....but sometimes I'll hurt myself anyway.
You're probably wondering why I talked about that. Well, it's because that in my world, there are lots of battles, fantasy battles, (Nerdy, I know) with magic and swords and spears and stuff. (Flying Dragons too...) Anyway, if I were to be inserted into it, I can't be wussy like I am now. I've had such a comfortable life, and it shames me, because that means my descendants will have comfortable lives too, and no one will know how to survive when the world ends!!! .... Shame is a funny word when you think about it. Say it really slowly. Tee hee....
OH MY GOSH!! I TOTALLY have thought about all of this! I always have fantasy battles in my head, where I'm usually the hero or just somebody awesome. No, it's not nerdy. It's freaking awesome. I do it dozens of time A DAY. It's rather addicting, I must say. So don't worry, be who you want to be! If you do nerdy things, then who cares? The person you're going to be with the most is you, so get comfortable. :)
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