A public account of thoughts, ideas, feelings, and my basic life
Hey. I'm amazed you've stopped to take a peak! I'm sorry to say that my blog is full of negative, atrociously positive, philosophical, or otherwise stupid posts concerning my thoughts, feelings, and every day life. But what the hell! If you think it's great, then I think you're great. Got it?
I underwent something weird yesterday; a feeling I could only describe as a mental meltdown. The stimulating reason as to why it happened is only just: The Utah State University website. I know what I want to do, but I can't get there fast enough.
I see what I wish my college life to be like, but I'm afraid it won't turn out. I can picture myself in the American Fork High School hallways, just strolling along to my desired class. I can imagine myself getting good grades and socializing with a lot of new people. I see myself in my Journalism class, making Mrs. Ludwig-Shelton pleased to have gambled with bringing me in. I can even think of myself in the high school bleachers screaming at the football team and having a blast with my friends. I'm ready to feel what its like to be a high-schooler, and then shortly after that, a freshman in my first year of college. I want to learn. I know I said that I hated school all throughout Junior High, but those times took place in Math or Science, or at times when some dramatic problems happens with friends that I don't want to be caught in. I say I like school, or I like learning, because every single day I get to go to a class I chose and learn something new that I don't mind learning. Something that might help me along with my pursuit of career. I think about the three years I get to spend in high-school, and I think to myself, "Hey. If I can't get psychology this year, then I can get it next year, or the year after that." And if I can't get it in high school, there is always college. That is why I am so excited about college.
Except that when I'm so excited about college, that's all I can think about. That's all I fantasize about. I suddenly want this summer to go faster so I can get to college quicker. I know I can't do that. I have to do things before I get to college in the first place. I have to have money. I have to have a high school diploma. I have to apply for scholarships. I have to drive. I have to work. I have to meet new people and maintain a social life. Last night, all of those thoughts ran through my head. However, the biggest predicament that really depressed me was my hobby. How would I ever have time to continue writing and publish when I'm young? Of course, people would immediately say, "Summer time!" or "This summer, silly!" Yes well, I have been using my summer time wisely, or as wisely as I could possibly make it, but I have also been getting distracted and restless as well.
Mother told me to calm down and to not stress over any of this right now. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it tonight. I agreed, and went along to finish reading Ray Bradbury's Fahreheit 451. I realized that all I wanted to do, other than my big futuristic desire, was to read, write, sleep, and listen to music. Maybe that's all I should do this summer...although I'll have neighbor's bugging me, brothers bugging me, swimming to do, fat to keep off, exercise to continue, and friends to see. See? Summer isn't always completely lazy.